Category: curiosity

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… has become a joke between my sponsor and me.

“And, as always,” she says, “be curious.”

And I laugh because I’ve learned she’s right,

and she laughs because she knows I’ve learned she’s right:

that a shot of curiosity is vaccination against

all those viruses that have infected me for the past 80 years: 

resentment, shame, lack of self-worth, 

judgmentalism, co-dependency…

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Nothing defuses solipsism like a dose of “I wonder”—

wonder why that email from my old high school pissed me off for days,

wonder why I felt it was my responsibility to keep the meeting on topic,

wonder why I took an instant dislike to the woman ahead of me in the checkout line,

wonder why yesterday I felt that I was God’s gift to humanity and today that I’m a urinal cake—

shifting attention from self to subject,

neutralizing judgment, anticipation, awfulizing, expectation, and resentment.

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Curiosity keeps me from remaining curled, like a caterpillar in a cocoon,

counsels me to explore the landscapes of my past, present, and future,

with no destination, only an appreciation for the journey.

Curiosity exercises senses I’d almost forgotten I had,

gives my racing mind a needed pit stop.

Curiosity exposes shapeless anxieties to light

where they evaporate, or (and be honest here)

sometimes spew pain previously lying dormant for years beneath denial,

erupting now in spasms of anguish until—son of a gun!—

melting into the floor like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Curiosity is what keeps the people I admire these days young,

what brings me awe,

and yes, what keeps me laughing.

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