°°
In those days,
while I went to church each Sunday, my religion was basketball.
I worshipped Fridays in the high school gym, my saints the Eagles’ starting five.
°
As aspirant, I tacked a round Quaker Oats box on a wall
and rolled a pair of socks into a ball.
°
And when I received a rubber Voit and Dad put up a hoop,
I loved the feeling of release, the sense of my soul’s rising from the driveway,
the “swish” that said, “My son, I am well pleased.”
°
My god became eighth-grade coach Bale, who baptized
me with sweat, shame, and submission.
°
Lap after lap, disciples ran around the gym until we thought we’d puke.
We heaved leather ten-pound balls, ran three-man weaves, learned to pivot
and set picks, while Coach Bale, arms across his barrel chest, thundered,
“Move, you sissies! Move!”
°
The joy when learning I’d made the team
soon switched to fear when Coach Bale turned his wrath on me:
“Hey, kid, you waddle like a wounded duck. Run!”
°
I started to jump rope at home, do sit-ups, push-ups, chin-ups,
but nothing seemed to rectify my offenses.
“I said go here after you pass the ball,
not there, dummy! Clean out your ears!”
I added running to my day, lost ten pounds.
°
And lo, I made the starting five.
Sometimes I starred; sometimes I stunk.
If I scored early, blocked a shot, no one could stop me;
if I threw the ball away or dribbled off my foot,
fear of Coach Bale’s wrath multiplied my sins.
°
Still, by the season’s end, he’d stopped his yelling at me;
but neither did I hear his praise—no blessing for having worked my ass off.
Which made me want to work the harder.
°
The next four years—from freshman ball to junior squad to bench warmer to starting five—
it was Coach Bale and not my high school coaches
who inspired me to dive for loose balls, outjump other guys.
Although I still played inconsistently, my passion helped our team to win.
°
After a game, when asked to sign a program,
I realized I’d become the saint I used to glorify.
And when a junior high kid told me Coach Bale had used me
as an example of how hard work leads to success,
I knew the blessing I’d so craved had been bestowed.
°
I also knew I didn’t give a shit.
The years of sweat and shame and anger had defiled the sport I’d once so loved.
After our final game, I filched a pack of my father’s cigarettes,
and taught myself to blow smoke rings.
°
Four years later, home from college, I ran into Coach Bale.
Shorter than I remembered, his jowls hung like uncooked dough.
His handshake weak, his clothes reeked of cigarettes and alcohol.
He slurred his words as he preached his gospel of sweat and tears.
I said I needed to be somewhere else.
°
Oh, how powerless our gods become when we have lost our faith!
°°°
The Geriatric Pilgrim: Traveling the Landscape of Faith and Grief 